Mindful communication

When I was on the railways I found myself devouring books on world philosophy, in search of wisdom and meaning. Reading these brought me to seek a more fulfilling calling in life, and when I learned about counselling, and how it could be a career option for me, I knew I’d found my path. One of these texts, “Hagakure”, written by a samurai who worked as a scribe, is the source of the quote above.

Our words are more powerful that many of us ever come to fully realise. Often, we cannot predict the impact they may have on others. A single careless statement made without thought, could echo in the minds of others for a lifetime.

So the best thing we can do, is put care into the way we express ourselves, to ensure we only say what we mean – and mean what we say. It’s not always easy, and its not always going to succeed, but we owe it to those around us, and our positive relationships with them, to ensure that our words don’t cause inadvertent harm.

After all, we don’t get to decide how others feel about our words or actions.

But of course, there’s many ways you could interpret this quotation. What do you think it could apply to?

Anxiety, curiosity and new opportunities

I’m departing from my usual posts for clients and prospective clients today. This one is for the early career psychologists, counsellors, and students.

Today I had the honour and privilege to attend a skills training session with LifelineWA and their DBTeen program. The program is pretty self-explanatory, it provides dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) to adolescents. I am so grateful to the program coordinator for accepting me into the role.

I got to spend today with a dozen amazing individuals, and I only wish I had the time to talk to all of them at the length I only managed with a few. I got to engage in a truly serene mindfulness experience, and learn about the cornerstones of DBT in practice.

I have been interested in pursuing DBT since the second year of my degree (2017) and I cannot understate how excited I am to engage in this program with them. I’ll have a trainee-observer role, and will have the opportunity to learn first hand from experienced clinicians.

Opportunities like this are certainly few and far between. Training is often prohibitively expensive, especially in niche or specialist areas.

Networking is honestly a trait that will take you so many interesting places and provide you with so many opportunities. Building a network, or even just sending emails or following newsletters, can give you a vital and invigorating level of awareness of opportunities and options open to us.

It can be so hard to learn, and the anxiety can be so challenging to overcome, but we deny ourselves amazing opportunities when we don’t put ourselves out there.

For now though, I’ve got a thick DBT book to get acquainted with. There’s so much to learn – I must admit I don’t feel quite ready. But I’m here to learn, and thats perfectly okay.

We start in a couple weeks. I can’t wait.

I’m anxious and curious. It feels amazing.


I chose the cover photo for the peer support team I work with in schools. It reads “passion led us here”.

Passion is an essential value for me. It led me to pursue counselling as a way of life, and it kept me on track during my studies. Its my fervent hope that it will be as reliable in the future.

Today, think about your passion in life. What excites you? What lights a fire in your heart that isn’t easily ignored?

A beautiful and often understated role a counsellor can play, is in helping you find, embrace and pursue the things that really matter to you. To live an authentic, self-actualised life.

Growth and striving are not always easy, but what is?

Services for Melbourne and Covid-19 impacted communities

I’ve said before that the benefit of conducting sessions online means I can be accessed at your convenience. In times like these – the Covid-19 pandemic, it also means counselling can be accessed in safety, if you’re concerned about becoming exposed.

As I watch with a second wave hit the east coast, I am reminded of what brought me to counselling to begin with – a genuine desire to help people in times of need. The pandemic has really brought me back to my values and I’m working on exploring options to support those affected.

I am offering my services at concession rate to anyone in an area affected by Covid-19 or quarantine measures, or anyone personally affected by Covid-19.

If you’re in isolation or lockdown, I’m here for you. Don’t be afraid to reach out for a chat, to see what I can offer you.

Body scan meditation

The body scan meditation is another potent tool for relaxation, anxiety, and releasing stress. It can also be surprising – especially if you find yourself holding tension in areas you’d hardly considered. This does more than relieve tension – it helps you recognise it, helps you find where stress is stored in your body. During my time as an intern for a clinical psychologist, the psychologist I was working for was an advocate for regular massages to relieve these stress areas.

Below is a poster which breaks the technique down into simple steps. Beneath that is a script you can use to get started.

Sit, if you can. In a chair or on the floor.

Take a deep breath in. Hold it for three seconds, and let it out. And another. Do this until you’re ready to proceed. You can also start this meditation with the grounding technique.

Take notice of the sensations in this moment. The feeling of the floor beneath you – the tiles, the carpet, the wood. The fabric of the chair you’re on. Any breeze in the air.

Keep breathing.

Start with your jaw. Unclench it. Now, to your shoulders. Relax them, let them slump at your side. These are common areas where you may carry tension.

Go through your whole body – find where is tense, and relax it. Your hands and face are more areas where we can be noticeably tense.

Keep breathing.

Once you’ve released the tension you’ve found, take one last deep breath. Hold on for three seconds, and let it out.

I hope you find this as useful as I have.

What is: Debriefing

Have you ever had something happen to you, and there’s been nobody to talk about it to? Or nobody you feel would understand, or nobody who’d just shut up for five minutes and let you finish?

Welcome to debriefing.

Debriefing is one of the more understated but valuable uses of time in the therapeutic space.

Although no longer used in response to traumatic events, debriefing can still be used in less critical scenarios.

I’ve found theres great value in just having someone to talk to about something recent that went on. Did something happen at work recently thats bugging you? Something in your family? Is it something that the person you’d normally talk to wouldn’t get?

I use debriefing quite regularly, with my supervisor and my support team. Its a great space just to get things off your chest, and be heard.

You don’t have to be in crisis to see a counsellor. You can be in any state, and we’re ready to receive you.

Reach out.

What is: Telehealth?

Providing counselling services online seems strange at first sight, but quite convenient and feels more comfortable, and natural than you’d expect. I’m a 28 year old nerd and former FIFO worker – I am no stranger to video calls and connecting with others online.

Covid-19 restrictions led to many workplaces adopting work-from-home procedures, and health providers are no exception. My home office was set up after the Education Department informed school wellbeing staff that we’d need to work from home – a framework we quickly built up and implemented.

Your right to confidentiality is still ensured, and Telehealth providers endeavour to ensure your session is secure and safe.

Telehealth services involve using video call software, like Zoom, Webex or Skype, to have a counselling session. These user-friendly experiences often only need you to click a link in order to attend the counselling room.

This means you could have a session wherever is convenient to you! Want to book a half hour session during your lunch break at work? Fine with me. During your kids’ nap time? After they go to bed? Do you work unusual hours that make traditional office hours inconvenient to you?

Being able to pop into my home office and have a web session gives you the convenience of being able to book a time that works for you, unrestricted by traditional office hours, travel or having to arrange a sitter for the kids.

Plus you’ll probably get to meet one of my furry coworkers, who just love popping into the room when they hear new voices.

So reach out, and lets talk about a time that works for you.

The resilience of autism parents: Things that inspire me

So this weekend I saw an advertisement for a “supporting parents of children with autism” class, and I was intrigued! I am a parent of a child with autism – I’d love to know more. So I booked in, and I’m waiting to do it. In the meantime – I wanted to hear from other parents of children with autism.

I wanted to know what I could offer. How could I help? What are their stories?

So I approached a Facebook group for parents of children with autism and asked the question; what can I, as a fellow parent, and counsellor, do for you?

I spent my Sunday night reading amazing stories. Stories of resilience – of strength and endurance, long days, hard nights, and an incredible adherence to schedules and needs. Stories of loss – of family separation, and having to remove people from lives because they’re not supportive or understanding. Stories of creativity – people finding ways to support their children, or communicate with their children, that professionals missed. Each one was a touching, individual experience.

It was awe-inspiring, hearing about the lives of parents in my community. The saying goes – “If you’ve met one child with autism, then you’ve met one child with autism”. I think we could expand that further – the families of children with autism are just as strong, diverse and resilient as we hope our kids will one day be.

I’m still reading – and I’m still thinking – but what I know so far is that there are people here so full of care, and empathy, working day and night, that just need some help to stay strong for their kids.

It was an honour to hear their stories, and I’ve spent all day trying to come up with plans to provide them the support they need.

I just had to get this off my chest and gush for a moment about this spark of inspiration I’ve felt all day, after talking with these wonderful parents.

Reach out.

What to do when your kid comes out

So your child has come out to you. What do you do now?

You support them. Nothing has changed about them, they’re getting to live more openly. They may however start being victimised by others and will need your care and support.

You believe them. Kids are prone to phases, sure. Its how they grow, and learn, and find their identity. If you don’t believe or support them now, it tells them you don’t take them seriously, and they’ll have trouble trusting you in future.

You thank them. They likely agonised over telling you or not – how many stories are there of LGBTQIA people losing their families when they come out? This is a brave, risky moment for your child. Thank them for letting you know who they really are.

You be open to learning. Especially if you’re not really up to date on how things are for your child’s identity. You may have a lot of learning to do. Be open to it, it’ll be worth the world to them. Learning their language – a new name, pronoun and other terms may come along with this. You may have to unlearn old terms that you may have used, that you may now be told are hurtful.

You seek community resources. There’s fantastic resources out there to help parents of LGBTQIA children be supportive allies. PFLAG is a fantastic place to start!

Yeeting away our preconceptions

A few months ago I was working with a group of kids, and they were on a break for some play. Eventually there was a disagreement over a ball, resulting in the ball being thrown away by one of the children.

This distressed one of the kids who ran up to me, squeaking – quite upset, “He yeeted the ball, Mike, he just yeeted it!” There were tears, hurt, and anger.

For those of you who don’t know, “yeet” is an internet and meme culture word. You yell it when you throw something, or it can be used as a replacement for the word throw. It can also be used to invoke power – “you yell yeet for power, or Kobe for accuracy”.

Kids these days get a lot from YouTube and other kids. What adults may see as a silly meme-culture phrase, is just another part of daily language for kids. How many of us used slang that our parents didn’t get? I remember being 7 and everything was wicked. I still use rad. They tell me it’s making a comeback.

This was the first time I’d heard the yeet used without being used ironically or for comedic effect. This child was quite upset – and rightly so, the ball they were playing with was gone. I had to put aside the little smile I get whenever I hear ‘yeet’, because for me, it’s a funny word, and keep in my mind that a child was upset, and looking for help.

As a takeaway – don’t dismiss a kid – or anyone, for that matter-, or what they say, because they’re not communicating in a way you see as consistent with how they’re feeling. Or because you don’t respect the way they’re talking. For every ‘yeet’ there’s another word or piece of slang that might be nonsensical to you, but is an honest and genuine expression for someone else.